Waiting, Loneliness and living vicariously

Every day I pull myself out of bed and go to work. The whole day goes by in a blur of activity. Typically I am very busy, there is a lot to do, a lot to keep track of, and in general I am pretty good I think at keeping my head just above the water. Sure I make mistakes, but I try to maintain a high level of completeness and professionalism in my work.

But I have no passion for it any more.

I can do it. I know my job and after all these years I have achieved a certain level of unconscious competence in many of the essential skills that my job requires. But there is no longer any fire in me. I am burnt out.

I continue on, because I am waiting.

I am waiting for the last two (canine) members of our family to be cleared to make the move with us. I am waiting for our house to sell, or if that fails to rent it out. I am waiting for all of the costs of this move to be paid off. The wait is a difficult thing because…

I am lonely.

LP1 and LP2 enjoying the view of the town, valley, and bay where we'll live

I miss my family terribly. After all they are the reason for everything I am doing, and not having them around makes my day to day life merely an existence. I have friends here still and my parents, but it is not even remotely the same. My heart has already moved to Japan with TLG and the kids.

LP1 and LP2 visit a temple in the mountains near "uncle's" house

So I have a daily ritual. I come home from work and go straight to my computer, and open Skype. It is late morning in Japan by that time, and I call TLG’s cell phone. We talk, I talk to LP1 and LP2. MB is at school. Sometimes we do a video call, and I can see their faces. This is the best part of my day. The rest of the time I fill with activities that keep my mind off the loneliness.

MB participated in "Undoukai" the school field day

Currently and much to my daily frustration I am not in a position to advance our situation (except with regard to continuing my current work and saving as much as possible). For now TLG is carrying the weight of our future. I live vicariously through what she tells me and through the pictures she sends.

MB on the left with two neighborhood friends

The pictures are like a lifeline for me. I imagine being there with them. I imagine I am the one taking the photos.

LP1 and LP2 enjoy persimmons picked from a tree near a friends house

Soon we will all be together again. It cannot be soon enough.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Family, Moving. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Waiting, Loneliness and living vicariously

  1. inesusan says:

    awww you children are sooo cute ❤

    Like

  2. Kyushu Ranger says:

    Very touching post there, Brodo. I know a thing or two about loneliness, so my eyes welled up for ya! Glad to see you made it over to be with the general and the kids.
    We’ll have to get together at some point, living on the same island ‘n all. Actually I was up in Hita the last few days. Caught a bad cold. Seriously different night time temperatures to Amakusa.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s